***trigger*** sexual assault & domestic abuse
I'm posting this because I want it to be documented. More importantly, I'm no longer ashamed of what happened to me - What THEY did to me.
My life has been filled with both a lot of tragedy and a lot of great memories. I'm a survivor of an abusive narcissistic "adoptive" (legally stolen) parent with the other parent completely ignoring what his wife was doing to me.
* One son,
Doug Silva molested me when I was 9 or 10 years old. I believe he molested me at an earlier age as well because of a memory I have at Kratt Elementary Kindergarten School. I went into a play tunnel with a boy and showed him my private parts and I sorta remember telling him what it was and what a boy is supposed to do. It's a fuzzy memory but I am naming these places in case anyone wants to prove the existence of them being recorded... I hope they were recorded.
After I told Viola Silva what her son Doug did to me, not only allowed her son Doug Silva to get away with molesting me but blamed me for it by calling me a whore and a slut - I was 9 or 10 years old.
Afterward, to her, I was forever that whore, slut, and pathological liar to everyone she told about how horrible a child I was. She also used to tell people that I was the spawn of the devil and a psychotic child that she regretted ever adopting. They didn't legally or fully legally adopt me. I'll get to that part later.
Did Doug Silva assault you? It's never too late to report it.
* I believe their other son, Brad Silva became a lawyer to protect them all.
I read Viola Silva's obituary and it made it sound like she was a kind old lady - she wasn't. Not when I was trapped in her house.
The earliest memory I can remember is
Bob Silva driving drunk, arguing with
Viola Silva, and driving into a ditch on the way home from his then-job at Fort Washington Golf & Country Club. I barely remember Viola Silva ripping me from the backseat and practically throwing me to the ground as she continued to yell and angry cry at Bob Silva.
Viola Silva used to chase me into the bathroom, where I would lock myself into the bathroom by pulling out the drawer to block the door from opening and staying there until Bob Silva got home IF he wasn't drunk which was rare. I spent more than a few nights sleeping on the bathroom countertop, piling all the towels into the sink for a pillow. Once she had that door fixed I started hiding in closets (irony.) 🏳️🌈
Bob Silva was always too drunk to do anything let alone help me and he definitely never protected me.
When I was going to St. Anthony's School. All the kids had to learn Irish dancing as well as line dancing. I became pretty good at Irish dancing and the teacher wanted me to attend the state competition championships. But according to Violet Silva not only was I too ugly to be a dancer but it would embarrass her because she said we are Portuguese, not Irish. ...and yes, I have discriminatory records at St. Anthony's school, Kratt school, and Bullard school. Pretty normal for kids who are being abused at home and not getting the help they need.
I spent multiple Christmas holidays in the hospital because she had to have a pine tree, not a fake tree, even though she knew I was deathly allergic to pine. I've never really celebrated Christmas because of it.
I have so many memories of Viola Silva calling me horrific slurs before I was 16. I ran away so many times. I remember running away in Middle School and hiding out at a friend's house until their parents discovered me and called the police or called them. I remember a Mexican family willing to take me in and care for me but Viola refused to let the [slurs] have me. I remember daydreaming of celebrities rescuing me and taking me with them. I remember Viola Silva slapping me, grabbing my wrist to listen to her (scream at me) and I remember telling school counselors and being ignored.
When I was about 16 and had my first crush, he date raped me in the reservoir behind the house. I came home from it wanting nothing more than to hide in my room. I guess I smelled of grass and maleness? Or maybe just because I was walking into the house at night. She immediately started to call me the slut and whore names again and followed me to my room until I went inside and piled a bunch of stuff behind it so she couldn't get in. The next day I saw my no longer crush who date raped me holding hands with someone I thought was a close friend. They both looked at me and started laughing. I literally ran into traffic and was saved by someone who would become my first boyfriend.
The abuse from Viola Silva got worse after that. She used to call Juan R. every Mexican slur she knew. Told me multiple times why didn't I just marry [slur.] The abuse became so bad around that year's Christmas that I ended up at St. Agnes hospital for a couple (maybe 3) nights due to my severe asthma and allergy to pine and from emotional abuse. But that wouldn't look good for them. So it was just a seasonal asthma attack on record. When Bob Silva brought me home, he left yet again for the same bar he would always go to on Blackstone Avenue - No longer there and I don't remember the name. Viola Silva screamed at me until I was literally numb and just sat on the yellow ugly couch in my room letting her. When she finally left, I went to take a shower and I had a genuine breakdown. I barely remember it, just flashes of memories. I remember trying to shave my legs and what I saw was worms coming out of my skin from trying to shave. I remember feeling trapped and banging on the glass shower door to get out of the box. I don't know how I made it to a phone. I barely remember calling Juan and sitting on my couch catatonic. I remember Juan coming to get me. Literally picking me up and leaving with me.
I honestly don't remember how long I was gone before I came out of the catatonic state I was in. I remember him taking me to different places where I could possibly stay. I don't know if I stayed there or not. Everything is a blur until he took me to a motel on Blackstone Avenue and paid for a week. I never left the motel room until the police came to get me.
The Fresno police told me that they were told an adult was keeping me hostage/against my will there. That's what Viola Silva told them. In truth, they called him up and threatened to charge him with being a child predator and making sure he would never work if he didn't tell her where I was. He had no choice but to give me up. He was a kid on the wrong side of the tracks trying to protect the illegally adopted daughter from a genuine psychopath whose husband was well known with local celebrities and politicians because he was (in the past) the golf instructor at Fort Washington Golf and Country Club until he had to quit because of his drinking.
I remember the abuse continued and I ran away with my next boyfriend. I was so happy. I thought I'd finally gotten away to a completely different city. We were staying with a friend of his and his mom who obviously had to tell his parents. His parents told mine not understanding the damage they were doing to me. The mom of the friend we were staying with knew what was going on and what I'd been through. She offered to let me stay with her without my boyfriend. But knowing what Viola Silva did to Juan? I didn't want her to do that to her. She didn't deserve it. I knew she would do something to harm her so I said no and I went back. One of my biggest regrets is not fighting for myself to stay there hoping she would just let me be. Leave me alone and forget about me.
The day I fought back physically
I remember I was sitting outside Bullard High School with a kid and a couple of his friends, all of whom were black. When Viola Silva picked me up, the moment I got into the car she was screaming and yelling obscenities at me about how could I be so stupid to sit with
those kids. I remember going into the kitchen to get something to eat and she slammed the refrigerator door shut almost hitting me with the door. I remember we screamed at each other and her trying to slap me which happened often when we argued. I ran to the other side of the dining table. The dining table was an oblong heavy wood table and when I went to the other side of it she slammed that wood table into my stomach. She told me I deserve that for hanging out with [n****r] kids. I ran to the phone to call the police. I remember her grabbing my wrist so hard and twisting it and trying to grab me to her and when that didn't work she pinned me against the wall and counter, literally bending me back so hard the top half of my body was on the counter that separates the dining room from the kitchen. I remember snapping pushing her away from me as hard as I could and finally hitting her with my fist. I ran to the house down the street with a girl that I was friendly with. She and her mom took me to the hospital for my arm.
At the hospital, the police showed up. Viola Silva had called them and of course the hospital called them as well. But the Fresno police, to this day still have a very long history of corruption and didn't believe or just ignored a woman who looked like a Kewpie doll could be abusive. It wasn't the first time the police had been called to the house over the abuse and the Fresno police ignored it because Bob Silva was well known to anyone who golfed and Viola Silva looked like a Kewpie doll who could cry on demand about how awful a child I was and she had no control over me.
The list of stories of abuse goes on and on and on. But what has put me into a calm rage and why I decided to make this web page. Something I never understood until 2021, is that I learned Viola Silva and Bob Silva were the ones who stole me from my biological mother. When I first found out I thought they had only bought me from baby thieves. And that alone made me hate them. But in December 2023 I spoke to my biological mother in depth. I showed her pictures of Viola Silva and confirmed it was her that took me from my biological mother's arms saying that she was with the church and would take me in to do all the paperwork. That it was too emotional for her and she didn't need to go inside. I showed my biological mother pictures of Viola Silva. She described what Viola Silva looked like after the picture to the left... pictures that as far as I know are not published online.
Bob, Doug, and Brad Silva all had a part in destroying my childhood. Viola destroyed the foundation I should have had growing into an adult. I did things as a young adult and an adult that I regret. Viola Silva destroyed every follicle of self-worth and confidence in me. I did things because I had no value in myself, no confidence, believed in my core that I was garbage or came from garbage, and didn't deserve anything or anyone good in my life because of 16 years of mental, emotional and physical abuse. And I passed some of that emotional damage to others that I sincerely genuinely regret.
I believe Doug Silva sexually abused another child at the same age I was when he molested me. I have no proof and she won't say if she was or was not. But Doug Silva told me that she at the age of 9 years old tried to sexually seduce him. What 9-year-old child would ever even know what that means let alone actually do it?
At some point in my teen years, maybe 13 or 14? I remember finding legal documentation in the dresser bureau for Viola and Bob Silva. I always had suspicions about the truth of my being in that house. I was always looking for something. I didn't know what I was looking for but I was looking for something. The legal documentation I found had the lawyer's name on it and I remember calling and speaking to him. He refused to speak to me. He told me if I wanted to know anything I should speak to Brad Silva. I wonder if that's why the abuse got physical. Did Brad Silva tell them that I contacted the lawyer they used?
Note: When I was getting a copy of my birth certificate from California, the records clerk said the paperwork did not look right,. He questioned if it was a legal adoption.
When I was really young, I barely remember this, but it's so prominent in my memories that I never forgot it and always wondered about it. I was in the living room watching TV when someone was banging on the door. Hard angry banging. Viola Silva and Bob Sola turned out all the lights and told me to be quiet. Viola Silva grabbed me put her arm around me and her hand over my mouth and told me to be silent. Who was at the door?
Viola Silva had two sisters and a brother and maybe more I didn't know about. I only remember going over to their house for one holiday when I was really young. Did something happen? Did they know what Viola and Bob did? One of their sisters and her children only came to the house once. After that, no relatives visited the house. Why? And what about the brother? He didn't die until many years later and had no visits at all - why?
I remember visits with a family when I was around 10 or 11 and supposedly they were related to Bob Silva. They had two kids. I remember the female child was named Romy. There were only a few visits and then it stopped. Why? Did they know anything about what happened to me? That Doug Silva molested me or that Viola Silva and Bob Silva manipulated me from my biological mother?
There are so many questions about my childhood past. Flashes of memory that are complete mysteries. I have asked and I have demanded answers to these questions from Bob and Brad Silva. They have always refused to answer any of these questions.
Between 2021 and December 2023 I did quite a bit of research to try to find out proof so I could hire an attorney against Brad Silva for protecting them and press charges against Bob and Viola Silva. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find any paper proof and I currently can't afford a private investigator. In December 2023 I spoke to my biological mother and she's not a mentally well person because of what happened to her - what they did to her. Without a private investigator who has access to the areas that are not public, I can't find the proof. I have no doubt that it either still exists or Brad Silva got rid of it.
Have information to answer some of these questions? Leave a comment or send a message
I'm currently in trauma therapy trying to undo all the damage the Silvas did to me. Thankfully, I have a therapist I believe is making progress with me. Something no other counselor or therapist has been able to do. But I think it's also because I wasn't ready because, until the last few years of my life, I believed deep down in my core what Viola Silva said to and about me. EMDR therapy is helping but it's also bringing up a lot of repressed memories. Things I haven't remembered for dozens of years. But I'm seeing them with new eyes. The eyes of a victim who didn't deserve the physical, mental, emotional, and sexual abuse.
Who am I now?
I've spoken to other children of survivors of adopted parent narcissistics. After reading their stories and talking with other survivors it has helped me to see that not only am I not alone but that a lot of people heal in their own way. Some much later in life like myself.
I started going to counseling in my late thirties and finally started becoming my own person. I realized that I had hurt a lot of people because of the trauma done to me. I knew that simply saying I'm sorry doesn't change anything. I knew that I had to actually do something to make it right. Maybe because I didn't have the guts to do it face-to-face or admit it to them at the time. But I realized I wanted to make a difference in the world. I wanted to do good. So I started volunteering for a lot of different causes I believe in. I knew and I still know it will never make up for the people I hurt. My belief is that I did help others. Not only as a volunteer but in spontaneous moments in life.
I've volunteered numerous times for street homeless groups - to help protect the belongings of those who slept in a tent while they were at work, their doctor's appointments or housing waitlist appointments. I've served a lot of homeless street meals. I've volunteered for beach cleanups, both in groups and doing it on my own. I've also volunteered at different gay PRIDE parades and festivals. Yes, I sit under the LGBTQ rainbow - I have PRIDE. I've volunteered from simple security to checking in PRIDE float participants and my personal favorite.... Door ID check security guard at the leather tent at Los Angeles PRIDE. I got to do a lot of checking out and in that day. 😎
I had a lot of fun and good memories from helping others and volunteering for great causes.
My other favorite is Los Angeles Costume Swap. I chose the wrong 501c but I feel good about what I was able to get done. I gave parents and kids, whether they were going through the same thing I did or they had great parents; I gave them a nice Halloween memory.
Much of this isn't documented but I do have a few photos. But I don't care if none of that is remembered about me. I don't need my oBitchuary to list my long list of mistakes, successes or accomplishments. I'm the villain in some people's stories and someone who helped them in other stories. I didn't do any of it to have it listed in an obituary.
EMDR therapy is helping me to see how I consistently chose too many times to be around people who were toxic, thieving, and or grifter garbage. I can't change my past but I can recognize it, forgive myself for it, and be different in the future. If I can do it, even later in life, others can too. It's never too late.
But....
What Viola, Bob, Doug and Brad Silva did to me was horrific. They know what they did and they know they got away with it. Even though they are not openly living with the shame they should have... If they ever read this, they'll know I've survived it. I'm better than them because I didn't let what they did to me completely destroy me. I have done more wonderful things and good for people in a short few years of my life than they have done and will ever do (to make up for what they did to me) in their entire lifetime. And for that alone they should know - you didn't destroy me. You hurt me but you didn't destroy me.
Some of the best people are broken. We were in the dark for so long that we appreciate and love everything that shines and we recognize what is truly beautiful.
Resources
Causes I believe in
Consider making a donation to one of them.
- Housing the homeless, especially disabled under 62 homeless individuals
- Food Banks, especially ones that provide more than just food - clothing, household items, toiletries etc...
- LGBTQ - PRIDE festivals, Human Rights Campaign Foundation & any local non-profit that offers healing
- Beach Clean Ups - The Coastal Federation, Surfrider Foundation
- National Forest Foundation
- Women's March
- Planned Parenthood
- Racial Justice Organizations
Comments
Post a Comment